Bleached Out .

Wednesday, January 31, 2007,5:21 PM

Leg pain from soccer.... was kinda nice day todae except when i was online , it always happens... people dun wan tok or busy then dunno la.. nvm about that what i wanted to say was. .... im not coming to evangel for about a month or 2 until everythings better so yeah byebye,have fun guys

Tuesday, January 30, 2007,7:40 PM

What have i became ? i dont know who i really am anymore , am i really that weak ? what the hell .... i really donno whats happening anymore , things get better 1 moment then it goes back to the same old shitty state ...gaahhh help me someone =.= i cant cope anymore la.... so many things are happening so quick and i regret doing so so so soooooooooooooo many thing that i shud not have done... school was okay todae ,went to KFC (alone) took bus home , took the same way i always came home by , shit la.... then ltr i bathed and came online .... and and and... i dunno lah now im posting some crappy shit stuff which no 1 will read so i dont even noe why im updating but who cares anyway

Things that i think i am : annoying,irritating,stupid,useless,worthless ...

Do i deserve such things ... i guess i do ... i made alot of mistakes...

Was coming to evangel a mistake?

Where did i go wrong?
What did i do wrong?
when did i go wrong?

<----Efforts----->

can i be perfect
in everyway
can i change
in anyway
will i give up
or run away
will i be happy
or sad
Do i
really care about that fad
my hope is gone
wonder if i could call someone up on the phone
talking might make me feel better
my pillows becoming wetter
oh what shit have i gotten into
<--- End of school doodle --->

Will i ever get better , please help me if u could or want to =(
good bye for now i guess i just stop posting until next year or maybe just kill this useless blog

Sunday, January 28, 2007,9:40 PM

Sheessssshhh... Sunday it is..gahhh many people now all like dun wan to talk to me anymore.ARGH!!! what the hell la... i dunno what to do anymore ...shit la

Isolation Process : 16% to full isolation

No idea on what to post already..

I seriously dont noe what i shud do next ... look forward to next week ? if i can even manage to make it thru tml =.= sigh sigh sigh

I go and pray ler.... byebye

Look forward to the crappy monday !!

Saturday, January 27, 2007,11:10 AM

hiyahz... friday , means what ? its sat tml , gee... im starting not to enjoy this anymore ,whats behind that smile of mine ? behind my smile is my sadness and sorrow that im trying so hard to control.... im becoming annoying i noe , u can hate me u can despise me or anything its up to , its the same even if i dont or have friends , right now i noe , im just a fren who could just be thrown away and be picken up again ....concern is something .... but on second thoughts , sharing my feelings is kinda bad thing , people get annoyed...trying to fit in was useless i noe , now i just shut up and do as im told , every single thing im saying now , i noe people will start getting annoyed by reading my post so, this is where i stop ,with nothing left and a long way ahead , no nothing ...slowly ,friends will leave 1 by 1 just becasue im annoying but i understand. Sorry's no use anymore i guess, u all think ill do it again , no 1 trusts or believe me anymore huh...its ok .. i just put up a fake smile =D and then walk away or sumthing but , i just wanna have friends that care and that i can talk to , im glad i have some of those people now =D like Celine,addie,debbie,oe,rachel << im quite sure , i dont noe about nick nor izzy ... not sure anymore T.T wished u understand

Oe right nw , i beg u to help me , i kneel down before god , i want to ask for forgiveness , is it possible , i hope it is .......

<--------End of Friday post--------->

,10:57 AM

shit!!! gahh... if i leave evangel maybe better nia ...is this really happening or is this a dream huh ?? Am i dead yet ? maybe , its becasue of my words everyone finds me annoying , its just my thinking....hiyahz... Thanks cel and izzy for the great fun i had at ur house yestarday ^^!!!!!!!.

Well then ill just treat everyone nice , but even if they dao me or anything ill still treat them nice ,after all...... ahhh...=.=

Everywhere you go
U see friends or Foe?
Trying to fit in with them
But never will
Seeking friends
that dont want to be with you
This is just my thinking
Hope its not true.

Now and then i have smiles , but are they for real ? usually its real... but.. sometimes there are some that are sad smiles , but they dont know ... ill stop here , i feel like im annoying ... i slap myself to wake up but it doesnt work .... * sigh *
The end of a another miserable day ? but i have yet to see what happens at youth today ??

Monday, January 22, 2007,5:07 PM

ARGH!!!!!!!!! i wanna change the past !!!!!!! if i had never gone to that evangel church camp NOTHING would have happened!!!!!!! I WOULD BE MISERABLE MYSELF AND NOT WITH OTHERS ARGH!!!!!!!! DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!no 1 believes my part of the story , i dont mind , ill just leave .... and then u all can just forget me , i was never there , never meant to be , i dont noe y god sent me there , for what purpose , why must this happen ? for what purpose slowly everyone's not gonna care about me , soo i shud just backslide and dunno do what the hell ,its no use anymore i cant hide my feelings anymore its too much to take it i dunno why ARGHARGH
, lets trying cutting wrists like other people do , they get better dont they ? huh huh huh ? tell me what the hell i shud do , take the blame ? i dun mind but , WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPOSE TO DO NOW ?GIVE ME A DAM FREAKING BREAK WILL U!!!!!GAHHHHH , SELFCONTROL HUH ..U THINK I CAN CONTROL ANYMORE IF U THINK SO COME AND SEE MY I EXPLAIN MY SHIT TO U , U THINK U CAN CONTROL ???/

Sunday, January 21, 2007,9:59 PM

its sunday...its night time.. i dun wanna slp...izzy im not ignoring you...val i will always be ur gor ....todae i really dunno what to post todae i keep my mouth shut =X good nite tk care ,btw im not ignoring anyone if u think i am then im really sorry =(

Saturday, January 20, 2007,8:23 AM

Yoooo!!!!! wahahha im posting and its night time but i wan this post on top ...lol i was going to jog then i decided to walk with addie home , so we walked and talked and talked... =D was so fun lah!!! umm... youth was great... now i forget the past and carry on with life ^^ , band prac so fun!! learned alot of barre chords from auntie ceila but left guitar in church... tml gif my parents to take back lol, i lazy!!! yay tml go william hse but sad sad joash leaving!!!! booo !!! lol tml must taopok him then toss him into the pool!!! wahaha !!!wheee i love todae .... then on mrt i deb and marcus and addie and bryan talked and talked and talked again =P then debbie so funnie take marcus mp3 then started joking!! wahaha then marcus pouted? LMAO todae... ondeh ondeh ,cel,rach,and few other usual youths never come!!! lol do come nxt week ar!!! lol!! yay!! getting good in guitar ... getting used to it too !!! whooo hooo!!! ok gotta sleep now i mean go online.... lol kkz byebyezz !!!!!

Nice walking with u addie ^^

NITES ALL

GRATS OE FOR GETTING INTO SQUASH =D!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<---- end of night post----->

<----Morning post----->
Boo yeah!!! todaes...sat ...oh man im so worried... lol last night i fell asleep when i said to cel i was gonna stay up la =.= so so so sorry =( !!! wahh todae got band pracz...wheee hooray!!!i dont really have much to post now casue its early in the morning and i still dont noe what time is band prac =.= wa liew la!! ltr go call marcus ...

Now listening to Sore ga ai seshou ( could this be love )
really really really great and sweet song , i love to listen to it ....
i was listeing to nobodys home before i fell asleep last night
SORRY AGAIN CEL!!!!!

ohh... now listening to perfect.. such a sad and nice song ... but the lyrics is FANTASTIC!!!!!!!! lool , every in this world isnt perfect,i dont noe why but sumtimes people always think they are dam freaking right ? gahh... shud not talk about it ... i dont want to start another 1 =.=

Life is starting to get kinda boring , casue or S-C-H-O-O-L =.= so sian 1's always trying not to sleep but end up sleeping.. these few days i sleep so much oh..

This is a poem i made

Life is becoming meaningless
its always full of sadness
but at least i know that people care
at there are some out there who are fair
each day i cry
the people who care ask why
now im joyful
and really thankful
it is time for life to carry on
<---- End ---->

WAH!! i think that poem sucked zzz my vocaab not so great la... slowly by slowly i will learn and get better...stupid teachers... like everyday i got test to do 1 sia...unfair!!!! recently ive been writing alot on the blog , haha , but i dont really think my posts are joyful to read larh... their kinda boring !!!!!!!!!!

ooooo and now , listening to paris hilton ( Nothing in this world )
i like the song!! the vid abit !!!! the lyrics rock
everytime i listen to this i feel happy!!! =DD ( even losers get lucky sometimes eh ? )
its such a nice song .... its a love song too i guess ....

Now i really love watching MTV feel the music !!!! i get to read peoples feelings and comments about the songs but some of them really saddening larh.. like beyonce's irreplaceable , that 1 alot of people broke up and they tell their feelings about the video and their personal stuff lah... wah im typing loads of crap , people probally wont read , so its ok... nvm 1 =.=

i wish everday also gort youth or like we can go to church and study ?? that would be great la !!! music is something i really cant live with out huh ...

well, seems like everything's getting better now .. i THINK !!! but i really thank god and the people who helped me lah they helped the most , giving ideas , advice and their view about it , thanks cel izzy nick oe dub addie !!!! u all really helped alot =D
looks like i thank and say sorry to people alot.

GAHHHHHHH CRAP!!! i got carried away with talking ... no one really understands but... its worth repating until they understand , on second thoughts i wont... it would only annoy them =.= okie this is where i stop T.T good bye !!! =D hehehehe!!! till tonite or tml ~!!!!

CEL SORRY I FELL ASLEEP HOPE UR READING THIS!!!

Friday, January 19, 2007,6:17 PM

HURRAY!!!! its friday and that means 1 thing !! TML GORT YOUTH!!! WEEEHAAAA!!!! YEEESSSSSAAAHH!!!!!!! okk...well todae was fun ... sliding all over school with my shoes ...it was so fun but i fell on my butt larh...ahaha!!! then recess was ok... then at soccer... we din have much time ... soo we could not really play lah .. then so boring i fell asleep !! wheeee , i din eat at recess , no money school wan us buy so many things... STUPID NGEE ANN DOING WHAT SIA.. they so rich sia... wa liew !!!!

OOO... i found new pic of hitsugya , I THINK its new la.... ill post it around here bahx.... hehe kinda nice ..... his bankai thingy!!! HITSUGAYA TOURISHROU ROCKS !!!! now wanna start watching a new anime ... but i dunch noe what to watch man.... todae i think im posting veri long ?

Now listening to ... umm.. listening to Gone by switchfoot , kinda nice .. the lyrics is okok...
i love music i love music i <3<3<3 music!!!!oh well nothing to post now , marcus tml got band prac ?? lol

Cel , i hope ur headaches gonna be gone soon and for izzy also hope u get well soon, will pray for u all ^^

OEEE got get into squash anot ?? jia you kays ??? !!!!!!!!
GOD BLESS ALL OF EU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!! =D=D=D
BYEBYEBYEBYEBYBYE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

DUN WORRY AND BE HAPPY (^00^) =.=

Thursday, January 18, 2007,5:08 PM

i feel like im gonna die , so weak....soo so weak ... i can barely stand up ...aww shit....
this sux, i feel dead.ahh todae another boring day of school, im sad...soo sad... gahh i hate this freaking feeling im having , but if i was gonna die now ... i dunno nothing much would change .... cant w8 for tml . PE then sure play soccer...feelings all mixed up ! im feel so horrible .. i guess this is what i get for being a naughty boy ? ahhh im burning up ...i feel so weak i might just faint ...god... help me ... i plead for mercy T.T gahhh....i cant stand it anymore !! hiding my feelings for too long isnt gonna help at all !! ARGHHHHHARGHARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im going crazie !!

I wish someone understood me.
listening to the song Beatiful , its so nice , i <3 that song... sigh gotta goo... goodbye for now i might post tonite if i can even move an inch ....* drops dead *

im back now.. soo boring, im dying im crying , out of all the things i have to do i have to be sad ? dammit !!! sooner or later everyones gonna get annoyed or MAYBE they are already annoyed , how the hell am i supossed to noe huh ? i wann to dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Now listening to we believe
ill type out the lyrics

Theres a woman crying out tonight
her world has changed
she asked out why
her only son has died and now her daughter cried
she cant sleep at night

this parts kinda meaningful but the chorus..

We believe?i cant really believe anymore , im too afraid to believe, i have lost my confidence ,all hope is lost this blog is dead wish god could help me out.
Life has became so meaningless for me ... i get ignored , i get scoldings and i get punished .
i noe i deserve this but its becoming a little too much for me to take it
so this world is too much for me to take just let it down and follow you ?

Theres nothing im good at but getting into lots and lots of trouble , now so little people talk to me , is it becasue of who i am ? or what i am or what im doin now ? if u could explain that to me ... im always so lonely when i go online to MSN , no 1 has ever started anything since like 4 days ago ? always i start and then some people dun reply =(
i wish for happy days T.T

The sad music im listening to now makes me feel horrible , i think about what ive done over and over again but it never stops, if my heart beat stopped now it would be good wouldnt it ? no more me , no more of my nonsense , no more of my emotions no more of everything and anything ive got ... no more ahum.. forever .. some people shud be happy... im gone i cant annoy them anymore can i ? i rather feel regret then pain its about the same thing

I cant live in this shit anymore
im becoming such a bore
People dont understand me
i wish i was free
a carefree life would be great
is this feeling hate ?
i guess im idioitic
and im not poetic
so this poem kind of sucks
i dont noe why im doing this " shucks! "

there u go my lousy poem i came up with ...i dont think i could do any better then that... then now i go and draw and even my drawing sux... so oh well , cannot rebother to do anything else... byebye .. if ur annoyed by my stupidity ... im soo so soo so sorry , just gotta w8 for youth byeee

Wednesday, January 17, 2007,4:53 PM

wow....its wensday .... this is the 14 year and 17 day of my life , yet some people cant see my existence, oh well.. gotta get on wif life ? Day ...17 or jan , im still asking myself , am i still in deep shit ?? i havent woken up have i , normal tec student , results suck , trouble seeker .. ok maybe not but the trouble some how finds me.

heres something from a song called Rewrite and i guess its kinda nice so yeah ill put it on my blog.

Wanting to spew out the jarred thoughts is
Because there’s no other proof of my existence
My future that I should’ve grabbed hold is
Conflicting between “dignity” and “freedom”

Wanting to erase the distorted afterimage is
Because I’ll see my limit there
In the window of the excessively self-conscious me
There are no dates in last year’s calendar

Erase and rewrite
The pointless ultra-fantasy
The unforgettable sense of being

Revive
And rewrite
The meaningless imagination and the driving force that creates you
Give it your whole body and soul

After cutting my feelings that grew, I regret
After realizing that after all, I’m just a mediocrity, I cry

rase and rewrite the depressed heart and the dirty lie
The pointless ultra-fantasy
The unforgettable sense of being

Revive
And rewrite
The meaningless imagination and the driving force that creates you
Give it your whole body and soul

i like the song becasue of the lyrcis just that its actually all japanese , got it translated.
do u noe the song wonderwall ? i hope u do its like really nice yeah ,

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

another boring day of school ... had home econs and guess what ? we cooked chicken curry =.= mine tasted ok ... but.. i finished everything during class and got scolded ( not allowed to eat in class ) lol then went to the toilet , some inconsiderate person left the school cleaners a BIG NICE BROWN PRESENT , i ran out of the toilet becasue of the horrible stench, then recess ... played soccer had fun drank green tea again ate mee rubus.... the sci then end school ,same old routine taking bus 9 then walking home blah blah blah blah ...

i was online then no 1 talk to me so i went away then i fell asleep becasue i was too sian and got nothing at all to do , now a days so boring becasue no more holidays anymore =(so long more till youth la like its never gonna come or something!!! argh!!! i wished it was sat todae and i was at youth talking, playing and fooling around with e youths ...tmls gonna be another boring day in school huh...gahh it always is , I demand holidays !!!!! argh argh argh !! hope i can go to youth and sit at the staircase wall again... i find it nice but 1 bad thing i drop then byebye .... hehe okie im going now good bye !! SAYONARA !!!!!!!!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007,5:44 PM

* sigh * , i want it to be friday todae but cannot !! unfair !! i want to see my frens and the youth !!! schools becoming really boring , gahh i cant keep up wif this.... posting every single day but ill just have to try , it takes 21 days to form a habit =.= this is like day 9 or sumthing !! so much more to go , must have a habit of blogging everyday T.T, MUSIC IS MY LIFE !!!!!!! =P that was random but i love music !!! hehe , looking forward to sats and suns , not looking forward to school days at all , oh nozz i dun noe what to say....well no choice but to post at night ? naw...

updated my blog to google thingy , photos can now be put on my blog ^^ wheeee!!!!! so happy ,well then maybe i shud post little by little everyday ? gahhh ...

todae school was ok ? then on the way back , went to take a bus to tanah merah mrt to top up my ez link and saw someone i knew but dun dare to say hi , lol, in school falling asleep ( sure 1 la ) then recess ate... some werid thing i dunoo what it was... then drank green tea n ate fish ball noodles, played soccer then went back to class... then nearly died again but ... DNT was fun todae!!! i did so many things so well ^^

Exams should be coming soon , hope i can make it into NA but will have to stay back then cannot wear long pants la........ SO UNFAIR 1 !! RAWR!!! now listening to how to save a life by the fray , its really nice !!!

I wanna learn well to play the guitar really well , now , im just a beginner ? taking step by step... gonna make playing the guitar a habit for me!!!! whoo hooo!!! must find some chords to play lerh .. if not will be so boring at home!! lalalla~~~ hope people tag and taggggggggggggggggggggggggg my blog!!! keep it lively .... or maybe i just kill it , so confused oh well im going nw ... byebye!!!!!

Monday, January 15, 2007,5:47 PM

oh my oh my.. the days are like passing by so so so so fast =P wish it was friday , then next day will have youth !!! wahahaa...i wanna eat mac's!!! lalala~~ i think i shud post at night casue i dont really have much to post now but ... a dedication song from me =P

Old mac freddie had a ondeh ondeh , eyai eyai oh .., with a ondeh ondeh here,ondeh ondeh there ,here ondeh there ondeh ,everywhere ondeh ondeh , ONDEH ONDEH OH!!!
see ya guys tonite ^^

lookie!!! spidermans (the guys) yeah i love that pic man it totally owns u!!! whahahaa ...now i shall show u our room condition wahhaha nvm la i post tonite !!!!! yeah yeah yeah !!! finally can do photos

Right now i may be going through hard times , but when i think of my frens beautiful smiles , i feel warm , i feel happy , and that it is more the enough to keep me happy , ill pray for the youth once every single week without fail , i like them as my frens ,each and everyone.
i pray that god would guide each and everyone of them through life , as for me i dont really have much hope or future do i ? but lets not start on that =D i pray god would take care of all the youths and the adults in evangel,and i also pray for ALL my frens out there would be safe and sound with their familys =D well then good nites !

And I need you,
And I miss you,
And now I wonder...

If I could fall into the sky,
Do you think time
would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you...
Tonight.

It's always times like these
When I think of you,
And wonder if you ever think of me.

'Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong.
Livin' in your precious memory.

'Cause I need you,
And I miss you,
And now I wonder...

If I could fall into the sky,
Do you think time
would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you...
Tonight.

I, I, don't wanna let you know
I, I, drown in your memory.
I, I, don't wanna let this go.
I, I, don't.

took this from the song 1000 miles , if oni u knew * sigh *

,2:24 PM

HiHi guys ^^ well, its another odinary sunday , but.. todae , i went to the airport with cel,izzy,dub,addie and rachel , we had lunch and i loved the chicken ( not marcus ) if was kinda fun though,went to izzy and cels house , was kinda fun hehe i drew some werid boat they have on their piano , i sketched it la.. hee. Watched Korean Drama ...i liked it thought BUT BUT BUT i will not get addicted to korean dramas !!! never!!!!( got a slight chance ) was fun << la =".="">

Saturday, January 13, 2007,8:46 PM

<----- Depression's final victory----->
He was only two years old,
his momma dressed him warm
to protect him from the cold,
she held him so tightly in her arms
that no one could have guessed,
that day, she would bring him great harm.

She boarded a bus and headed
to morning side,
to a spot on a highway overpass
where they both will die,
she stared at the traffic down below
what was going through her mind,
only her and god know.

Those who saw them that day
thought that something was amiss,
but before they could intervene
she jumped into the abyss,
both mother and son
will breathe no more
their soul will awake
on god's celestial shore.

He was a gifted two year old boy,
who like every little child
had a favorite toy,
before he was two
he would recite the a b c,
and the language of French
he speaks fluently.

She was an educated and
caring person,
who's depression each day
had only worsen,
a condition of the mind that
so many tend's to ignore,
with medication and
people who care,
her normal life could have been restored.

People every where
please be aware,
and to a depressed person
show affection, attention and care,
though some knew she was depressed
they didn't seem to care,
she thought this was the only way out
of this depression
that she could no longer bear.
<---- The end ----->
If only that woman was me , after dying , i wont have any more problems , maybe thats the oni solution,i guess its the easy way out but who would care anyways ,there are so many other people out there , if i die , nothing would change ...nothing .... i just wished every understanded and cared sigh a few more hours to youth ... ill post another poem

<---- Inside ---->
People ask me whats the matter
But I just cant say
It'll make my heart get sadder
And longer the feelings'll stay
They just don't know how hard it is to let go
'Cause it hurts more than they know
I learned to love it all
But I cant believe that wasn't my call
Just so much regret, it burns me inside
People just don't understand what I got to hide
<-----The end------>

That poem that i made , i hope u all d understand =(
ok now i go and do somemore poems good bye =( hope u all understand

,11:41 AM

wheee... * sigh * i wish i could stop , i cannot help thinking sad stuff T.T slap me slap me real hard !!! argh!!! i swear to god i MUST STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING ANYMORE !!!!!! ARGH!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!! ill stop this soon i promise T.T i have to solve this slowly gimme time guys

Thursday, January 11, 2007,5:47 PM

Nooo!!! Ive been really lonely these days , now i hang out with nick,Oe,celine,izzy,dubdub and addie becasue they understand ... but i dont really think the rest do.
I have been having many problems , solving each and everyone slowly, and now everyday , i look back and i knew what ive done but what can i do to say sorry , ive done so much bad and so little good , i dont really deserve to be respected by anyone ...

Listening to the song " Irreplaceable " and was thinking ...

Ive got thoughts about killing myself casue i have too many problems , complications ... what the hell .
For once i wished everyone understand me , im not seeking attetion or anything , all i want is to have great friends which i always wished for ... every where i go i get treated like shit , have u ever felt unwanted ?
do u even know what the hell im going through ? u think its easy to cope like this for a 14 year old boy ? I may act as if everything is ok but inside i wanna cry so bad.

Life has ups and downs eh ? why must my downs be now ? everyday ? everyweek?everymonth !
.....Beyonce sings this " You must not know about me,You must not know about me,I can have another you by tomorrow,So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable" think about what it means ?
i guess this must be like what i made people think ? I wish i lived a Life without so much problems while im 14 T.T.

Windmill windmill for the land
Turn forever hand in hand
Take it all it on your stride
It is Sticking , falling down
Love forever love is free
Let's turn forever you and me
Windmill windmill for the land
Is everybody In?

Sigh ..... Bye... ill post again tomorrow , I feel horrible/saddened/angry/worried after writing this post , some people shud hate me for who i am but i hope not my true friends !. Thank you Guys for being there for me , i appreciate it ,

Thanks nick,oe,celine,izzy,addie and dubdub for being there for me

<--- A poem--->
In that forgotten part of town
Where wasted hopes and dreams abound,
A wrinkled man with life near end,
In hopes to have at least one friend,
Fashioned bits of wood and things
And made a dummy run by strings

He sat alone for hours on end,
Conversing with his only friend
And found delight within the fact
That he controlled it's every act.
He told it how he never had
A chance, since all his luck was bad
Although he'd tried so to succeed
-The dummy nodded and agreed.

And how his journeys in romance
Had never given him a chance,
And wasn't it a crying shame
That he was always held to blame
When everyone knew, oh so well,
That life is but a living Hell,
Controlled by lust and power and greed?
The dummy nodded and agreed.

With patience that would rival saints,
That dummy sat through all complaints
And, with each little expert tug,
He'd droop his head or bow or shrug
And give some comfort to the man
Who held his lifelines in his hand
And helped to fill a lonely need
When he just nodded and agreed.

Senility increased with time

As did the old man's phantomime,

And feverish fingers pulled with glee

The dummy's dance of misery.

They never left each other's side

Until the day both stopped and died.

We found them lying, hand in hand,

The dummy - and his wooden friend.

<--- The End --->

From this day onwards i will learn from my mistakes , thanks cel!!!!
Ill smile everyday for u guys to see !!!
=D !!!

,8:08 AM

Ahhh... another day of school T.T well i love my teachers casue they tell me bed time stories all the time , wooty !!! saw another fight in class todae, its veri common !!! whoooooooo this fat guy got punched in the head and started crying ... but no 1 cares cause everyone dun like him . wheeee i cant w8 for youth , .... i hope something bad doesnt happen zzzzzz.... dun worry addie i wont become emo ... the most i sit at the staircase and look at e beautiful sky... nooo still got 2 more days of school ARGH!!!

u see that pic ? whooo its the mess in the guys room ( me , hj,joash and marcus ) ... i like joashes pink shirt !!!! i enjoyed it in cambodia, was fun made new frens . I WAS A SHEPERD T.T , merry christmas and a happie new year to everyone !!! LALALALA, i must blog more , like writing and essay just that its short formed la... changed my hair casue i cut it ...i think it looks ok but i prefer my previous hair , i guess it looked nicer !! now in school their teaching us NT students how ta write programs... so " COOL " lmao . wheee

Mei i Forgive you ok ? ive also been really what...

Well then guys , i gotta go ... BUHBYES!!!!!!!! how come no picture !! nooo!!

Im so sorry celine !!

<------- My Wishful Thinkin ------>

Day after day , Night after night , my friends slowly leave me ,
I ask myself why ,
is it becasue im no fun anymore ?
Sooner or later
ill be alone
i would isolate myself in my room all day
i think and think
but nothing comes out and i wonder everyday
why is this happening to me
is this karma ? or is it becasue i deserve it ?
i used to have alota frens but,
they went to their other frens,old and new
and later they forget who i am
i guess i kinda derserve this ?
i am the worst in my family
the first in the normal tec stream ,
the naugty one and the one which everyone looks down on
i get into shit all the time
canings,punishments,detention
i get ignored , i get daoed
and now , i dont really care anymore
i dont want to live a life in shit for my entire life
maybe i shud just be anti-social
and not open my mouth ?
i know i utter some freaking stupid stuff to anger other people
for once i wish i was dead
why did god want me to be on this earth this family this place
i dont belong anywhere now
and now i hate every beautiful day
i wanna live a joyful life
where people want to talk to you wanna be your fren
thats what i want , but somehow
it doesnt work out , its like maybe ill get that fren for 4 months ?
then they will go and find other frens or go back to their frens
im becoming something worse every single day?
i hope i can overcome all these problems ?
and i hope Celine,Izzy,Dub Dub,Addie,Rachel,Han jie,Nick,Joash,Oe,Val(mei),Kim and somemore youths
Will still be my fren and always will be ,
and always be there for me , if i had a wish , thats what i would wish for
<----- The End ---->

Tuesday, January 09, 2007,9:37 PM

I feel like shit , ive been such a jerk , im a bloody idioit, im good for nothing , i have no right to exist !!! i hate life more and more day by day night by night, scoldings, warnings , all day long i keep getting them , whats my purpose on earth? make people angry and fustrated at me ? i dont want to exist , i dont like life anymore , every1 and everything has gone againist me. Now i think like a dumbass,my dreams are crushed,i see no future for me. I wanna jump! im getting SHIT every SINGLE day !!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!